Fresh, Hot Wastes of Time

I was on the phone with M.S. when I noticed that the baby had crawled under my desk and was busy drooling on and playing with the power strip where all my computer crap is plugged in. “Ohshit,” I said, “Hold on a second!” and I went to take the powerstrip away from her and it shocked hell out of me.

Now I am a very quiet-loving person by nature, and I don’t like anything that really takes me by surprise. It’s probably the control freak in me. Two things I hate most are getting shocked by electricity and sudden loud noises. I’ve been known to jump and shriek when hub lets out a particularly enthusiastic sneeze.

When I was really little, like maybe 3, I crawled under my grandparents’ Christmas tree and touched the plug and got shocked. Ever since then I’ve been afraid of being shocked. Further, I was such a wussy when I was a kid that I was afraid of fireworks (loud noises) and whenever I got a balloon I would make my parents either pop it or put it in the back room because I was terrified that it would pop while I was asleep.

Tellingly, the first time I glimpsed my husband-to-be, it was seeing him jump out from behind a bush while trying to scare me. I had seen him skulk back there, so I wasn’t really surprised.

Back to the story, my point is… uh… apparently nonexistent. Except perhaps that I needed to reiterate that I don’t like being shocked. Or startled.

Nine Inch Nails is excellent for treadmilling to, by the way. I’m thinking that 80s pop will do nicely as well. Anyone have suggestions for good workout music?

123456789… here’s how to teach the kids to count!
Oh. Mah. Gawd. I just found out that the guy who did the Yatta video is from Austin!
Heaven’s just a funky moose. You gotta throw away the night. Uh, what?
Monkeys, monkeys, monkeys
Could Hollywood hack your PC? Maybe.
Better clear your calendar for February 1, 2019, cause that’s when the world’s going to end.

Mad at your boss? Cow orker? Husband? Dog? Don’t just stand there – shoot it!
Hurdy skurndom, der Googlen bork, bork, bork!
31337 900913 534R(h, d00dz!

Well, the ‘open links in new windows’ works again… but at the expense of my meta keywords tag. If that tag is in place, the code doesn’t work.

Flummoxed. Totally.

Hey, dammit. I told you to sign my GuestMap. Do it. Now.

Please?

Dammit.

Siamese cats. It’s probably not what you’re thinking.
Do you breastfeed and live in the Bay area? Go break a world record.
New non-lethal weapons in production.
Must. Have. 80s. Compilation. Now.
Idiosyncratic comfort foods
Hello Kitty psychological profile
He’s just bitter because he can’t get laid.
Many womens are tickled them nose by Kleenex, and sneeze. Please enjoy!

I went to my gym orientation today and oh. my. gosh. the personal trainer was just cute as a little puppy dog. I swear if he had a tail, he’d wag it. I just wanted to pinch his cheeks, especially after he told me that I don’t look 32. I wasn’t hot for him or anything, just wanted to pat him on the head.

Then he called me “ma’am”. And he mentioned that he wasn’t even 21 yet.

WTF was I thinking? I mean honestly, pinch his cheeks? Am I really getting to be that old? Jeez, I was just his age when I moved to this burg, and now I feel this huge age gap.

It doesn’t help that I just read a Good Housekeeping article that said peri-menopause (a.k.a. The Change) can start as soon as 37.

Shit.

I was eating a Krispy Kreme donut once and it was the glazed kind and little pieces of the glaze kept falling off. I picked up a little piece of glaze from my keyboard and ate it, only it wasn’t a little piece of glaze, it was a a little piece of fluff.

Now I pay attention to what I eat.