Archive for May, 2009

Oldie but a goodie

May 21, 2009 - 11:22 pm Comments Off on Oldie but a goodie

This joke is so old, it talks about Celis beer. Still funny, though.

There were these three guys drinking in a trendy bar down in the “Warehouse District” one night… a Californian, an Aggie and a bonafide Austin native (endangered species). Well after a few minutes, the Californian goes over to the bartender and orders a bottle of the finest red California wine on the menu. The bartender hands it over and the Californian pulls out a sterling silver corkscrew. He uncorks the bottle, takes the offered glass, pours a small mouthful, swirls it around in the glass, smells it deeply and drinks it down, then with a smile of satisfaction on his face, the Californian suddenly throws the bottle into the air, pulls out a small 22 derringer and shoots the bottle in midair, spraying fine California wine and shattered glass all over the bar.

The patrons demanded to know, “Why on earth would you waste such fine wine and act like such an ass?”

The Californian cooly replied, “Hey, I’m from California. Where I come from, we have plenty of great red wines!”

The patrons, grumbling, went back to their drinking, and then the Aggie swaggered up to the bar and ordered a bottle of Perfidido tequila. Upon delivery, the Aggie uncorked the bottle with his teeth, took a single sip, and throwing the bottle into the air, wheeled around, pulled out a .44 Magnum and with a mighty roar and flash, shot the erstwhile bottle of tequila into another reality, spraying the assembled patrons again, with finely powdered glass and mists of fine tequila.

This produced more cries of outrage, followed by the query, “Hey, why would you waste such fine tequila like that?”

The Aggie replied, “I’m from Texas, where I come from, we have rivers of tequila, no problem!”

After awhile, the Austin native went up and ordered a Celis Pale Bock. The bartender brought it over and popped the cap from the bottle and the Austin native tilted it back and drained it to the last drop. Then, with a satisfied smile, he touched his crystal pendant hanging around his neck, hauled off and threw the Celis bottle into the air, pulled out a crusty old 38 special and taking very careful aim, shot the Californian and the Aggie and caught the bottle before it hit the ground.

After a moment of stunned silence, one of the patrons ventured to ask, “Why on earth did you do that?”

The native of Austin replied, “I’m from Austin. Here we have gobs of Californians, and even more Aggies, but a glass bottle, you can recycle that!”

This is your final final-final warning

May 3, 2009 - 4:31 pm 1 Comment

Jason Eyer, the man behind the phone calls

How many times have you gotten a phone call in the last week telling you that your car warranty is about to expire or that your credit card interest rate could be lower? I got three calls on Friday alone. This is one of the fine, upstanding individuals behind the calls. Note the scruffy face, the greasy hair, the all-around look of lizard-like complacency.

For more info on the scam, this Ask Metafilter thread has a lot of good links to follow. The people are crooks that don’t give a damn about the national do-not-call database and they prey on the old, sick, and weak. Karma’s a bitch.

Who’s slowing down?

May 3, 2009 - 3:26 pm 1 Comment

This couple still makes beautiful music together after 62 years of marriage.