Fresh, Hot Wastes of Time

We got on the ship around 12:45 and headed up to check out the room. It was nice, about the size of a hotel room, with room for 2 twin beds and a sectional couch. I took out all my gear – laptop, gps, phone, camera, and various accessories and proceeded to set it all up. Then we went exploring, found our table at dinner and the Lido deck where the pool is. Conveniently enough, there was a bar there and it was also the muster station for our lifeboat drill, which was supposed to start at 3:40 but didn’t get going until 4:15. It was really disorganized and they didn’t check passenger names off on a list or anything, just made a cursory check that you had a life jacket on. After an interminable 30 minutes or more in the jackets, they announced the drill was over without actually taking us to the lifeboats, so I have no idea where our boat is. During the drill, we set sail.

(this is just the tip of the iceberg – click for more…)

This ship definitely has a huge vibration. From what I’ve read from others who have taken it recently, there’s a stabilizer out which makes everything jiggle. I had a couple of bad moments yesterday afternoon when I was thinking that I was on a boat in the middle of nowhere and couldn’t get off, but I think I had a little seasickness and a Bonine made me feel better.

We hit the casino when it opened and I quickly lost $40 to a slot machine while AM won $40. I sat down at a blackjack table and won back my forty plus ten, and we left to get ready for dinner.

… which was interesting. Our table mates are 6 other women, all first time cruisers as well, and honestly not the kind of people I’d be friends with at home. All three groups at the table met in college – one at UTSA, one at OU, and AM and I who met at UT. All of them regarded smoked salmon, caviar, and lamb chops as highly exotic food. One of the women asked AM if we needed to eat the lamb with a fork and knife or if we could just use our fingers. I’m very anxious to see what they will be wearing tonight, the formal night, and how they will handle lobster. Not that I’m a globetrotter, but I got to wondering if I lived a really out-there existence, having tasted lox, caviar, and lamb with a fork and knife (and I know better than to drink rose wine).

After dinner was the getting-to-know-your-cheesy-cruise-director show. The CD here is about 5’2″, British, and he sounds like the narrator of a charming children’s story. (“And so kindly Mr. Frog hopped down the lane to pay a visit with his very good friend, Mr. Toad.”)

Everyone who walks past our balcony can see right into it, up close and personal. Everyone who does this feels like they have to make a comment about how we have a balcony. Yes, we do, thanks for noticing. Yes, we thought we were lucky too until we realized that people were going to be making comments to and about us while we were on the balcony for the next 4 days. Yes, the pained smile is for a reason. Now shoo.

I was surprised to see how many ships were around us last night after dark. It was like being on the ranch hill and seeing the lights of the towns all around. The later it got, the fewer lights there were.

This morning I woke up to the feeling of rocking. We’d hit some higher seas and there’s just a gentle sway back and forth. I don’t think it’s enough to make anyone sick, but it’ll probably hold you up if you’re inebriated and trying to walk down the stairs.

We grabbed some coffee and I lost a quick $45 at the craps table, then realized that we were hungry and would do well to eat something to counteract the effects of last night’s booze (drink special was a Fun Ship, a fruity brandy, rum, and vodka concoction). We snuck into lunch early – not supposed to eat until 1:30, but we went to the noon seating and nobody hollered at us. Our tablemates were a lot more likable than last night’s. There was one quiet couple, and lady with a ranch east of College Station, and a couple from somewhere in East Texas whose daughter is married to an Episcopal priest in Austin (at St. Joseph’s on East MLK). The husband was hilarious and reminded me of AM’s father. Being seasoned cruisers, they had no problem ordering as many dishes as they pleased. I knew people did this because I boned up on cruising, but I fear that tonight the other women at the table would look at us funny if we did it. Screw ’em. It’s lobster night.

Bingo was unwinning, another $10 lost. I bought some souvenirs for the girls and a purse and heavier wrap for myself, as well as some rum cakes to munch on. Then we headed back to the room to hang out on the balcony, soak in atmosphere, catch up journaling, unwind, and listen to some music. And here we are.

…later…

Formal night was nice, because people really did get dressed up, but man oh man the lobster was bleak. It was like raw tofu, and no combination of salt, lemon, and butter could have saved it. Luckily I had the foresight to order the prime rib as well, which was relatively tasty once I slathered on some horseradish.

That evening was the first of the “Las Vegas style revue show extravaganzas!”, entitled “Hollywood”. It wasn’t actually bad at all. I was surprised to see that there weren’t any female dancers I had the urge to take home and feed before they died of malnutrition. There was actually one dancer up there who I might be pushed into calling pudgy, although the belly-baring hotpant costumes didn’t do much for her figure. This isn’t a bad thing at all, just a surprise. All the dancers I’ve seen in Las Vegas shows look like they need to go into counseling for anorexia.

Anyway, Friday night wasn’t a late night for us and right after the show was over we headed to the room to get some sleep. Cozumel was the next day, and we were going to swim with dolphins. (and quite a few other little critters, but more on that later). We got together our gear and went to sleep, clocks set for some ungodly early hour.

The next morning even before the alarm went off I was awakened by the lack of movement plus a couple of little jolts. I peered blearily out the window to see that we’d pulled up alongside the Carnival Sensation, which dwarfed the poor little Jubilee. Room service came to deliver our breakfast, which was mediocre, and we headed down to disembark. The process was fairly painless until some crazily painted Mayan guy dressed in shells and feathers grabbed me and turned me to pose for the camera. The photo ops just do not stop on this cruise. No way I was going to shell out the $20 for an 8×10. Moving down the dock we caught up with our group while I realized I’d left my contacts on the ship and I was supposed to be snorkeling. Crap. Then I got distracted by the two guards standing on the dock with their loaded M16s cradled lovingly in their arms. I took a couple of pics for hub.

We took taxis to the Chankanaab park, which is really an amazing place and sometime I’d like to be able to spend more than just a few hours there. Our group started getting the spiel on what to do with the dolphins and they handed out goggles, snorkels, vests, and masks. I’d never actually been snorkeling before, though I was familiar with the concept – I’d taken one day of scuba certification class and chickened out when I got claustrophobic using the breathing apparatus. Anyway so we pet the dolphin as he swam by, kissed him on the nose, did a “pec shake”, and then grabbed on as he bolted us through the water. Amazing! In the video you can read my lips saying “Whoa! Whoa!” in my best Keanu impression. Then there was a kind of free swim, where we spread into a circle and the dolphin swam round us. Dolphins are amazingly soft to the touch, like satin. Very cool creatures.

After that was over and we spent the obligatory $100 for the video and some pictures, we headed to the beach to grab a bite to eat. The food sucked but the pi�a coladas were yummy. I ended up giving my ceviche to the resident skinny kitties. The waiter came over to shoo them away but relented when he saw us petting and feeding them. Then he was the one who suggested I give my leftovers to them. Nice to find a kindred soul. After that we headed back to the bar to get a pi�a colada in a pineapple container that had a fruit face. Hard to describe, and not nearly as tasty as the first ones we had, it was nevertheless a good photo op. I decided that I liked snorkeling so much while we were with the dolphins that I wanted to snorkel some more, so I rented some gear while AM watched the stuff. It was amazing out there with fish everywhere and I got a couple of nice pictures. I swam through some huge masses of tiny thimble jellyfish, also known as “sea lice”, but didn’t think anything of it until I came back to the beach and saw that about 20 of them had met their maker whilst inhabiting the shelf bra of my swimsuit. I dug as much as I could out with a sandy drink napkin, but they don’t call them “jellyfish” for nothing – when out of the water, they are like brown, jellied boogers and almost impossible to deal with effectively. I didn’t get stung (I don’t think) but I ended up with a rash under my boobs from where their remains were soaked into my suit. It wouldn’t have been so awfully bad if the damned things didn’t smell. I spent the next several hours smelling like a giant walking oyster.

We took a cab into town and went shopping. At most places in Mexico they expect you to dicker about the price. I didn’t buy much – a bottle of real Mexican vanilla (with a reassuring note on the bottle saying “NO COUMARIN”), a tote bag, a gold charm. I enjoy dickering for goods. Some people hate it but I think it’s fun, especially if you’re nice about it and don’t try to rip off the merchant or become unpleasant during the transaction. When the game is played correctly, there’s a sense of accomplishment on both sides at the end, and everyone leaves as friends.

And “friend” is what the Mexicans in Cozumel call you. In the border towns it’s always “hey Lady!”, but here it was “Amiga!” I thought that was nice, and it seemed to personify the friendliness of the people we met.

After a quick detour to make phone calls home ($1/minute certainly beat the $10/minute on the ship) we headed back to the ship, whereupon I hopped my oyster ass into the shower eagerly anticipating a blast of (not so hot) water (since I was pretty sunburned). What I got was the equivalent of trying to bathe with a garden hose when someone’s standing on the other end of it. Apparently everyone else was taking a shower at the same time. Eventually I got the majority of the jellyfish stank off me, and what we did then is a little unclear. I think we were going to try to nap until dinnertime, but we were too close to the lido deck and they were having a welcome back party with bass turned up so loud that my pillows were vibrating to the beat of what sounded suspiciously like Portishead – which I doubt, since it’s not really boat party music.

Disgusted, I got up and went to the internet cafe and caught up on a little bit of news. By this point my sunburn had come over and introduced itself and I couldn’t decide whether I was cold or hot. And I was getting a little tickle in my throat. I ordered a Dirty Banana to kill any incipient germs. Then I headed back to the room to get ready for dinner which was once again mediocre and forgettable. Afterwards we went to the magician/comedy show and OMG I haven’t laughed that hard in years. The first guy was completely hysterical and I was laughing so hard that I was worried about losing control of my bodily functions. I’ll have to look up his name and keep an eye out for him. The second guy on was a sword swallower and he was pretty damned lame. He does his schtick for Renaissance Fests and dresses like an ubergoth – long goatee, black clothing, big tattoo on arm, long braid in back, skinny, generally an indian-beaded-boot-man. The worst part was just how cheesy and corny he was. He really needs to figure out if he’s Chuck Barris or Marilyn Manson. (The next day I saw him sunbathing on the topless deck with a bevy of three buxom beauties surrounding him, and he was talking very seriously about how dangerous his act is – then the day after that I saw him in line for breakfast, where he ordered sausage, bacon, and hashbrowns, which in my book are probably more dangerous than a little sword swallowing, especially in the amounts he got!)

The last day of the cruise dawned fair and sunny, and I woke up with the most awful sore throat and cough ever. Between that, the fever, and the sunburn, I was not a happy cruiser. I putzed around that morning but went back to the room for a tiny nap but ended up sleeping 3 hours – right through lunch, ice carving, and the hairy chest contest. And I was so sure I would win. We just took it easy that afternoon, played one last round of Bingo, and headed over to the casino to see if it was crowded. It wasn’t, so I sat down at a Wheel of Fortune machine on which I could do no wrong. With an initial $10 investment, I got a return of $80 and promptly left because it was dinnertime. We’d had to pack our bags before dinner since they were supposed to be out before 10 PM. In the meantime I went up on the verandah and took some nice pictures of the sunset, then took pity on a group of about 10 high school kids who were tying to get a picture with all of them in it. They passed me about 9 cameras and I did my best to get good pictures. Hope they came out ok.

The food was again forgettable. It was our last night with our tablemates and one of them who hadn’t opened her mouth the whole trip started talking and joking and we wished we’d gotten to know her better. There was some sort of skirmish between one of the San Antonio girls asking one of the Oklahoma women what they thought of the UT/OU rivalry, and apparently the woman had pretty strong feelings about Longhorns. I missed most of this, unfortunately, as I would have just loved to have yanked her chain some. That kind of crap’s just stupid, and it’s ok to joke about the other team in good fun, but if you’re going to take it so seriously that you have to take a little walk away from the table to cool down, you need serious professional help. The lamb chop woman announced that her husband wasn’t allowed to look at other women at all. The self-absorbed woman went on and on about how she did the dolphin swim a couple of years ago but the sea lion swim that they just did was just so much better and the dolphin swim was just sorry in comparison. I told AM that it was a really good thing she told us that, here I was laboring under the false pretenses that we had a good time. I never would have known what a bad time we’d had if she didn’t tell us. Whew! The waiter got testy with me when I asked for the vanilla sauce for the souffle, and I saw him take a knife from my place setting, sneak it around AM’s back, and put it into her place setting. GROSS.

The show that night was “Broadway” and it had… Broadway tunes in it. Surprisingly good singers and choreography – it beat out quite a few Vegas shows I’ve seen. Then we headed back to the room to catch some sleep because we were going to have to do Immigration sometime between 6:45 and 8:45 the next morning. This was around midnight, and our bag was still sitting outside the room. After muttering about the previously mentioned 10pm deadline, we rushed to get our dinner clothes into the suitcases when *click* we heard that little noise that can only mean your room door has just closed behind you, you don’t have shoes on, and one of you is in pajamas. Shit. The steward was nowhere to be found, so the kindly Russian towel guy escorted us down to the purser’s lobby where we got a spare key. We later saw said Russian guy getting hit on from three directions by 3 21 year old girls. He looked… happy.

So then the next morning we docked in Galveston. Our group got called to Immigration before 8, then we were the first group let off the ship around 9. A lady was standing at the entrance to the dock saying “Welcome back to the United States of America”, which I thought sounded pretty nice. Apart from a small skiffle in which hub was nearly arrested because he had some rifles in hard cases strapped to the car (there were no signs or any other sort of indication that he had entered a high-security, no guns of any sort allowed area), we got loaded up and headed out right away.

Parting thoughts – I don’t think I’d cruise Carnival again, at least not one of the older small ships. It was pretty shabby, as was the dining service (with the exception of the assistant waiter Alex, who did things like saw I didn’t like the coffee and offered to bring me hot chocolate, and remembered to bring it again the next night). Shipmates were varied, not to sound rude, but I think I just travel in different circles. Heck, our tablemates hadn’t seen a stuffed quail before and couldn’t eat it because of the tiny wings. I dearly wanted to talk about hunting and cleaning birds, but figured discretion was the better part of valor. I just come from a different world where Bennigan’s isn’t where you take a date for a fancy restaurant.

I do want to cruise again – I had a fantastic time and only gained one pound. Maybe I can talk hub into it. Ha.

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