Weekly Tweets
September 1, 2013 - 12:00 am
- When I walk past the cupcakes, they say nasty things to me and then I have to teach them a lesson. 10:51:50, 2013-08-25
- Red velvet is really just pretentious vanilla. 14:04:25, 2013-08-25
- School starts tomorrow! Yippee! 20:50:19, 2013-08-25
- My superpower is loading the dishwasher. There's always room for one more dish, and I can find it. 11:29:18, 2013-08-26
- This whole Duck Dynasty thing can end now, thanks. 17:47:54, 2013-08-26
- The cold water taps at my house are dispensing 86 degree water. 13:17:25, 2013-08-29
- Price for an ounce of beer at a Major League Baseball game: http://t.co/6fhyuIquAx 14:54:18, 2013-08-29
- I am available to make your transmedia project, puzzle design, or community management purr like a kitten. Details at http://t.co/4oqglMgqDG 16:03:52, 2013-08-29
- I'm pretty sure I'll be on this Candy Crush level forever. 16:32:37, 2013-08-29
- Oddly enough, Time Warner shows me as currently subscribed to Showtime. http://t.co/svYtuqRtNu 20:33:35, 2013-08-29
- This is Texas, where we take high school football so seriously that it's in the gov't weather forecast. http://t.co/Qn8YqIAGvv 13:38:15, 2013-08-30
- Secret bookshelf doorway kits. I know just the doorway in my house for this! http://t.co/MLX8AhP8hU 14:40:10, 2013-08-30
- Walking outside today is like getting slapped in the face with a ghost pepper. 16:06:49, 2013-08-30
- Never before is what you swore the time before. 19:40:28, 2013-08-30
- But wait! If you call now, you can double your order! #toomuchlatenighttelevision 00:54:11, 2013-08-31