They’re cutting me tomorrow. I just took a big blue Valium because I’m so nervous about it that at dinner tonight my hands were shaking so badly that I literally couldn’t butter my bread properly. Hub has been so sweet, trying to jolly me out of my apprehension.
I hate hospitals, I hate IVs, I hate anesthesia, I hate breast surgery, I hate being a patient, I hate relinquishing control. And I miss the kids.
Dumbass annoying lady at next table: No, no, Caro’s the one with the oxygen tank, Necie is the one who’s really sweet.
Dumbass #2: Oh, that’s me, that’s me!
DALANT: cell phone rings loudly and prolongedly.
DALANT: Yeah, you know, there were pregnant women on the plane and it was so sad it made me cry. You just didn’t know whether to grab a gun or a Bible. You know what? I think that on the day of the anniversary, I won’t wear any makeup. (said in a tone of reverent sacrifice)
DALANT: Oh, those dogs, you know their hair is short so they don’t stink.
DALANT: What’s in that candle, gel or water?
DALANT #3: *dunk*
Waiter: Actually, it’s lamp oil.
DALANT #3: *blush*
DALANT: You know, I never could understand why my grandparents would dunk their fingers in champagne and then smell their fingers. Is it for the aroma?
DALANT #3: cell phone rings loudly and prolongedly. (shouting) Hello? Oh, we were all saying it’s little Joey! Hi, little Joey! Yes, we’re at Jeffrey’s restaurant! We’re having dinner! It is fabulous! HaHAhahaha! Yeah! Yeah! So what are you doing!
Me: We need to get out of here now before I rap a spoon on her forehead.
That maybe was a little mean. Here, look at this picture. Really, I promise, it’s safe. Cross my heart.
They’re mine. Aren’t they cute?
