This joke is so old, it talks about Celis beer. Still funny, though.

There were these three guys drinking in a trendy bar down in the “Warehouse District” one night… a Californian, an Aggie and a bonafide Austin native (endangered species). Well after a few minutes, the Californian goes over to the bartender and orders a bottle of the finest red California wine on the menu. The bartender hands it over and the Californian pulls out a sterling silver corkscrew. He uncorks the bottle, takes the offered glass, pours a small mouthful, swirls it around in the glass, smells it deeply and drinks it down, then with a smile of satisfaction on his face, the Californian suddenly throws the bottle into the air, pulls out a small 22 derringer and shoots the bottle in midair, spraying fine California wine and shattered glass all over the bar.

The patrons demanded to know, “Why on earth would you waste such fine wine and act like such an ass?”

The Californian cooly replied, “Hey, I’m from California. Where I come from, we have plenty of great red wines!”

The patrons, grumbling, went back to their drinking, and then the Aggie swaggered up to the bar and ordered a bottle of Perfidido tequila. Upon delivery, the Aggie uncorked the bottle with his teeth, took a single sip, and throwing the bottle into the air, wheeled around, pulled out a .44 Magnum and with a mighty roar and flash, shot the erstwhile bottle of tequila into another reality, spraying the assembled patrons again, with finely powdered glass and mists of fine tequila.

This produced more cries of outrage, followed by the query, “Hey, why would you waste such fine tequila like that?”

The Aggie replied, “I’m from Texas, where I come from, we have rivers of tequila, no problem!”

After awhile, the Austin native went up and ordered a Celis Pale Bock. The bartender brought it over and popped the cap from the bottle and the Austin native tilted it back and drained it to the last drop. Then, with a satisfied smile, he touched his crystal pendant hanging around his neck, hauled off and threw the Celis bottle into the air, pulled out a crusty old 38 special and taking very careful aim, shot the Californian and the Aggie and caught the bottle before it hit the ground.

After a moment of stunned silence, one of the patrons ventured to ask, “Why on earth did you do that?”

The native of Austin replied, “I’m from Austin. Here we have gobs of Californians, and even more Aggies, but a glass bottle, you can recycle that!”

Just spent a great 5 days at SXSW Interactive, and I’m WORN OUT! I got to catch up with some old friends, meet some folks I’d been looking forward to meeting, conspire with my panel to disrupt the conference, laugh at all the people desperately and repeatedly pimping themselves, watch Brian Clark and Mike Monello ask the tough questions, see Alan Tudyk get in an elevator, do guerilla filming in a parking lot, stroll through the streets of downtown Austin covered in fake blood, and have lots of long lunches with chitchat (I think I missed all the keynotes). It was lots of fun, and I am really looking forward to Portland this summer.

You can see my SXSW-tagged pics (few though they might be) on my photostream.

Yes, I have seen both websites. No, I don’t want to comment on either at this time. Yes, I am honestly concerned about being banned for life from SXSWi. The panel’s been taken off the master listing of all talks, but the individual entry is still there if you search by panelist name.

ETA: Apparently Brian Cain has given an interview to the SXSW people about the panel.

You ever have one of those moments where you realize that the events of the next little while will either make you or break you? I think I’m having one of those moments. Hopefully there will be no restraining orders.

Oh and by the way, I would like to commend the local forecasters for saying it would only get into the mid 40s last night. Because that’s why I planted the strawberries. And then ended up zipping out to the garden with a poncho to cover them up when they revised that to the (whoops, heh heh) mid 20s. Sheesh.

The other day my husband called me. He was picking up lunch – some hot dogs from one of Austin’s ubiquitous trailer food stands.

“Lunch is going to be a little late,” he said. “I had to subdue a drunk and take away his keys. Just waiting for the police to get here.”

Apparently when he got to the counter, there was a guy just standing there, not saying anything. Everyone waited. Finally the cashier asked, “Hey buddy, can I get you anything?”

The drunk guy replied, “… Todd.”

At this point everyone knew something was wrong, and the guy started to wander to his car. He got in, proceeded to back up, and was backing towards the proprietor’s auto. Folks just watched him do it. Hub dashed over, reached in, grabbed the keys and made off with them. He said Drunk Guy got out and took a couple of bleary swings at him, but Hub led him over to one of the tables and sat him down, keeping him busy with conversation until the police could get there. Drunk Guy acquiesced easily enough, talking about his business, wife and family.

Eventually the cops came, took Hub’s statement, and the food establishment comped him one lousy order of fries. He came home with our hot dogs, none the worse for wear, thank God.

I wonder why that man was so plastered on a Monday noon.

CAUTION! ZOMBIES! AHEAD!!!

I love living in Austin.

Hub and I went to San Antonio this weekend to see The Dark Knight in Imax. It was my third time seeing it. Hell, I may go see it again. Because it’s just that good.

Anyway, the theater dude announced to the sold out theater to fill in all the seats, yadda yadda. He said that all cell phones needed to be turned off completely – not on vibrate or ringer off – and if they saw the light of a cell phone in the theater, they’d boot ya.

Guy behind us: Did he just say no cell phones on vibrate?
Hub: Yeah, if they see your phone out, they’ll kick you out.
Guy behind us: What is he, some kind of COMMIE FASCIST??
Guy’s friend: I bet he’s an Obama supporter!!

You just don’t have conversations like that in Travis County.

My husband and I have been to Restaurant Jezebel several times, the latest of which was tonight. I keep meaning to blog about it and keep forgetting.

Today was our 10th wedding anniversary, so I made reservations for Jezebel and let them know we had a celebration. When we got there, we were seated promptly in their dark, cavernous-but-cozy dining room which is decorated with pictures of nekkid women. The kitchen is open to the restaurant and you can watch Chef Vora back there working his magic.

Jezebel is a little out of the norm in that they don’t put any pressure on you to order, switch courses, or pay the bill. To some, this seems like poor service; in reality it’s just a departure from the American norm of quick table turnover. You can sit and enjoy coffee and conversation until they close without being pestered to leave. It’s rather nice once you know the score.

Our waiter, TJ, was one we’ve had before and he’s wonderful. He asked if we would like to order some champagne for celebrating, so we did. We also got the table noshes: a tray of sauteed olives (wish I had the recipe for this), some bread, and a plateful of olive oil with a baleful balsamic eye in the middle for dipping.

For starters we both ordered the foie gras in sweet chili glaze. To be honest, one of the reasons we went to the restaurant in the first place was to thwart the austin anti-foie protesters who have targeted several places around town for both picketing and vandalism. Many issues with that – too many to go into other than to say why don’t they protest restaurants that don’t serve free-range beef and chicken? Because it’s hip.

Anyway, the foie gras was at an absolute peak tonight. I took a bite and it transported me. I closed my eyes and just let it take me away. I wanted to cry, it was so good. It’s a nice portion, too – probably 3-4 oz. Last time we went, I ordered it and they brought it out with the apology that it shrank more than anticipated during cooking and they would bring more ASAP; they brought out almost twice as much as what my husband got.

Tonight TJ asked if I’d like a little sauternes to go along with the course, and I happily said yes. The pairing was sublime.

Between courses was a palate cleanser of aloe vera sorbet. I’d have to say this was the only slightly flat note of the evening. It was refreshing, yes, but it was way too much like dining on hand lotion. I never realized that’s what aloe vera tasted like. I always thought it was just lotion fragrance.

My main course was lamb two ways – rack of lamb in a pumpkin seed crust and braised lamb shank. It came with a side of fresh greens (like watercress) and some horseradish mashed potatoes. TJ offered up a nice wine pairing with the dish, and hubby got himself a beer because he’s so not into the wine thing. His dish was a napoleon of filet with roasted tomatoes and a chipotle hollandaise. Both entrees were wonderful.

For dessert I ordered a creme brulee and hubster got the lemon curd mousse. His was ZING very lemon. Mine was really nice and creamy vanilla. TJ gave me some 40 year port to go with it.

With the check, they gave us a hand-written thank you note for spending our anniversary with them. The only liquor on the bill was the bubbly and beer – everything else was comped, as was hub’s dessert.

I have to mention the ladies’ room. It’s really a sight to behold. Once your eyes accustom to the even deeper gloom in there, you’ll notice that the walls are covered in astroturf. There’s a squashy purple velvet armchair in the corner and another nekkid lady on the wall. There are baskets with feminine items as well as tooth flossers.

In short, this is our favorite restaurant in Austin and probably the world. I really, really hope they stay afloat. Give them a shot if you have a special occasion.