Fresh, Hot Wastes of Time

Scenes from a 3 hour car ride that’s been extended into 4 hours by various and sundry silly things. Conversation includes Mommy, Caroline (2), and Jo (almost 4 and renowned for her ability to translate for Caroline).

Caroline: Aaaaaa! The sun! The sun!
Mommy: Put your blanket over your head and hide from it.
Caroline: Fix the sun!
Mommy: I can’t, but I can fix you.
Caroline: The sun in your eyes too, Mommy?
Mommy: Well it was, but it’s gone now.
Caroline: That’s your sun. It’s coming back.
Mommy: I don’t have a sun.
Caroline: No, your sun out there, it coming back to you.
Jo: She means that a sun is coming to you.
Mommy: Yeah, that’s what they told the Virgin Mary too and look where it got her.
Caroline: I pooted.

I forgot to mention something else Jo said today. Hub was telling her about the ranch, and how we would take rides and see deer and stuff, and Jo said “And Daddy, I want to kill a pig.” Just out of the freaking blue.

We’ve been playing family games of hide-and-seek in the bedrooms. Cuervo got in on it tonight. Kona was in solitary confinement because once again she shat in the dining room and then proceeded to dine upon it.

I’m such a dweeb, I’m actually watching Not Another Teen Movie because I like the soundtrack. Well, the references to the movies that I love are amusing. I’ll have to watch it from the beginning, as I just noticed that Mr. Vernon from The Breakfast Club is in there somewhere. The Breakfast Club is the Best. Movie. Ever. At least as far as the 80s/teen/angst genre goes. When we went to Chicago a few years ago, I actually got excited about going into Shermer because that’s where so many John Hughes movies took place.

Brand me! Loser! Dork! Geek! Neo-maxie zoom dweebie!

I always know trouble is brewing when hub loads my web page, gives me a “look”, then starts typing furiously, interspersing his pounding on the keyboard with “How do you spell suchandso?”

Jo said her first “y’all” tonight. We are so proud!

We’re going to the ranch tomorrow, so perhaps I will have some nice creepy crawly pictures for y’all when we get back. This is the first time we’ve gone with the kids in a long time, so it’s kind of a trial run to see what Opening Weekend will be like (dove season opens in the South Zone on 9/20).

You should be very proud of me. I haven’t blogged any snarky comments about how handguns are illegal in Chicago, so workplace shootings and gun crime will never occur there.

Oops.

Ok, I’m sick and freaking tired of the same person sending me this damned virus over and over and over and over and over.

If you’re a Pacbell customer, check your computer for viruses. I’m getting it from Received: from HP (adsl-64-161-224-41.dsl.lsan03.pacbell.net [64.161.224.41]). Fix it, for the love of Pete!

Caroline’s been running around the house without a shirt on. We seem to have a hard time keeping clothes on that one. Earlier she climbed onto my lap and was hanging out watching TV. Max the kitten jumped up too and snuggled up with Caroline. I heard uneasy laughter coming from Caroline. “Mommy, Max… Max… Max, uh…”

I looked down. Max had latched on to Caroline. I firmly explained to Max that she was not his mommy and booted him out of our laps.

I feel like I would like to write a nice long entry tonight, but can’t think of what to write about. Similarly, I feel like shopping for something, but can’t think of what to buy. I guess I’m still feeling a little pent-up after Jo made me come home from Nordstrom early because she wanted to show off her red balloon to her sister.

Tonight as we were watching Seinfeld, Jo had a quizzical look on her face and said, “Mommy, are all people pink?”

What a lead-in for a good life lesson. I spent a careful 5 minutes talking to her about how people come in all different colors, from pink to reddish to yellowish to light brown to dark brown. “So you see, not everyone is pink, and lots of people come in other pretty colors too.”

“Like green! And purple!”

I guess you can’t win ’em all.

Speaking of diversity… Maybe I am just too damned sensitive. It’s not my battle to fight – is it? Why are people so damned awful about gays? I just can’t take listening to the crap about how ‘I don’t have anything against those homo-sexuals, you understand; I just don’t want to be in the same room with ’em and God help ’em if they get near my kids! But if they’re women, hey, send me a picture!’

Honestly. Why does anyone care? Do people really think that those there homo-sexuals are going to ass-rape their young son within 10 minutes if they’re in the same room together? Does anyone read the Leviticus passages in the context they were written? And why is it that it upsets me so much? Spending life on earth with some of the more ignorant, loud-mouthed sons of bitches who spout their arrogant and ignorant bullshit is starting to seem like a sentence.

Now I guess I’m Pushing the Gay Agenda(tm).

Here are agendas I’ll push:

The driver who cut you off is a dumb asshole, not a dumb woman driver, a dumb fag, a dumb coon, a dumb spick, a dumb wop, a dumb nip, or a dumb towelhead. That guy over there? He’s not an intelligent black man. He’s an intelligent man.

The part where Jesus says to love thy neighbor as thyself doesn’t have anything that says “unless” after it.

Assholes come in all shapes, colors, and creeds.

Other people have other ways of doing things.

If you think it’s not ok for foreigners to say bad things about the US while visiting here, it’s not ok for you to say bad things about their country while you visit it.

Not everyone who supports gun rights is a right-wing kook. Not everyone who supports abortion rights is a left-wing kook.

Categorize not, lest ye be categorized.

Just because you saw it on TV doesn’t make it true. Be a sport. Do your research, then develop an opinion about it.

A closed mind can’t learn anything.

Bitch about SUV drivers who drive dangerously if you like, but if I had a dime for every time someone in a tiny little car cuts my Suburban off so closely that our bumpers nearly kissed, I could retire.

I guess I had a post in me after all.

“First of all we wish to thank you for hosting with us during the past year.
We certainly hope doing business with us was a very pleasing experience.

-Featureprice.com, in an email received today but dated March 22, 2003.