Fresh, Hot Wastes of Time

1. Health insurance sucks. I apparently can’t get insurance because I’m too fat. Neat.

2. Prescription drugs sucks. I went to see the doctor the other day to get something for tension headaches (which for me are caused by not sleeping) and she gave me some Elavil, which is supposed to be this all around wonder drug that cures depression, insomnia, tension headaches, and chronic pain. Only problem is that it turned my into an utter and complete bitchmonster and nobody, but nobody, was immune to my wrath. Yikes.

3) So I took a little hiatus from quilting because any little thing that went wrong (or that I perceived might have a chance of going wrong) made me want to burn the darn thing, in which case I really never will get it done. (Only 5 or 6 short stripes to go!) Luckily I figured out the trick to sewing on merit badges by machine – the lovely zigzag stitch! I probably would have permanently disfigured myself trying to sew those things on by hand – they have a hard plastic backing, and so far I’ve broken a basting gun, a #10 Between needle, a #12 sharp, and a universal sewing machine needle on them.

4) In my time off I got to the games I’m supposed to be beta testing (yes, I beta test games, it’s a tough job but someone’s got to do it, no I don’t get paid but I do get the games for free as well as get my name in the credits for all the world to see). I started out thinking that this one I’m working on was imbecilic, but it’s grown on me and now I’m totally addicted. Meanwhile the other game I’m testing, the one where I didn’t want to stop playing to eat, bathe, or sleep, has fallen completely by the wayside.

5) I’m turning into an old lady with grey hair and wrinkles and dry skin. When I was a teenager I scoffed at the commercials that told me my face would get dry as an adult. Whoops.

6) I haven’t gone to church in forever because I feel too guilty even to ask hub if he minds watching the kids for a couple of hours, even though I do it all the time when he goes out.

That is all.

Don’t forget to watch Six Feet Under tonight. Brenda’s coming back. I’m going to have to make hub watch in the other room so I don’t have to hear him call her names.

We just got the girls to sleep, so now I can go to sleep to wake up in 6 hours in time to shower and feed the 4 yo and drive to San Antonio and go look at cabinets in a place that’s not really going to be open and we won’t be able to find out prices, then to New Braunfels to look at light fixtures at a place that may or may not be open on Saturday.

That’s ok, I have nothing else to do. Ha.

And I spent 2.5 wasted hours tonight at the crap-ass mall near my house looking for a basic black evening dress to wear on formal night on the cruise, and all they had was stuff in petite sizes. Hello, I’m 5’9″, petite schmetite. But that’s ok, I had nothing else I could have been doing.

I hate poor planning!

I saw the dermatologist yesterday. She said that I should use some Curad scar therapy and that it may open up again and that I should always wear a bra. Oh, and I can go swimming if I use antibacterial soap afterwards. And take lots of Advil for the pain.

After my dawn raid on the monster gerbil from hell in the kitchen, my sleep schedule is completely messed up. I’m just going to stay up tonight. Of course now that I’ve decided that, I’m starting to get sleepy.

4 yo: I’m gonna put my hand in your pocket, daddy.
Hub: Uh, ok. I wouldn’t do it if I were you, but I guess it’s ok.
4 yo: Look, daddy! My hand’s in your pocket!
Hub: Uh huh…
4 yo: Now I’m gonna put my hand in your grey pocket!
Hub Uh, ok… HOO! Wait, that’s my underwear!

I finally got a chance to watch last night’s Six Feet Under, and I apologize to Alan Ball: the magic’s still there, it waws just hiding during the first three episodes this season. Can’t wait to see why Brenda has to talk to Nate next week. I’m obsessed with this show. Is that so wrong?

My fingers are all bruised and bloody and sore. The good news is that I’ve quilted all 50 stars and am assembling the union. The bad news is that I have one long stripe and all the short stripes to quilt still. Luckily they aren’t as labor intensive and nitpicky as the stars were, so they should go a lot faster.

I wonder if the cruise in April is going to happen. I was up every 30 minutes checking the news. Is there anything scarier sounding than an air raid siren? When I was a kid they used to test the local siren monthly and it would never fail to scare the crap out of me. Imagine having one go off 10 times a day, knowing that it could be for real this time, racing to put on your gas mask…

I think I’m going to take a sleeping pill tonight.

I don’t know what to do anymore. The three year old won’t go to sleep and screams at the top of her lungs for an hour when it’s naptime or bedtime. The 18 month old wakes up 4 times in the night. I feel that I’m on the edge of some kind of breakdown. There’s something stretched constantly tighter inside of me and it’s straining and groaning towards a snap. I’m always on the verge of throwing up. My hands are shaking and I cry at the most inappropriate moments. I think I’m going crazy.