Fresh, Hot Wastes of Time

Do not read this entry if you’re eating.

Remember when I said that my boob was making sloshing noises? Well today I lay down on the floor of the office to try to convince the baby to take a nap with me. Hub came home and saw me there and told me to go up and sleep in a real bed. I stood up and noticed a huge red puddle on the floor. And my shirt. Horrified, I ran upstairs to see what the deal was (leaving a trail behind me like a wounded animal). I had sprung a major leak. My boob’s not sloshing anymore. Between all my bloody clothes and the floor, it looked like someone had commited a murder in the house.

I had my doctor paged and he called me back and said everything was ok and apologized profusely for this happening, like he was somehow responsible. He said he planned to take care of the extra fluid in my office visit tomorrow (think big needles). He’s such a nice guy, I really like him.

I have had gross things happen with my body before. Once I bent over and saltwater inexplicably gushed out of my nose. Once I coughed and a pellet came out. Recently I pulled out a stitch that had been there for 10 years. I have to say that this was the topper.

I was awakened this morning by the baby again. This time it wasn’t a sweet good morning kiss, no siree. Apparently she had gotten all excited because a cat jumped up on the bed, so she whipped her head around to tell me about it and she misjudged, so she slammed her teeth into my nose. Now I have a big nose bruise and a headache.

Just in, from the TMI dept: the whole family is ill. I’m sending hub out to the store for toilet paper and Imodium.

The Venus hand trap
Remember the toenail guy? Well, this guy collects beard hair.
I think there’s something wrong with this man’s nose.
Can’t stand losing Fluffy? Freeze dry him!
PETA(B) – People for the Ethical Treatment of Alec Baldwin.

Am I heartless because I don’t want to read any more “Inspiring Tales of Americans Triumphing in the Face of Woe” stories? I mean, everyone has a story. You could make tragic copy out of any unexpected death. To me, the whole September 11th thing loses cohesion when I look at individuals. I lose sight of the forest for the trees. I think I’m better off viewing it as an attack on America, rather than an attack on Americans, if you dig.