Fresh, Hot Wastes of Time

The Venus hand trap
Remember the toenail guy? Well, this guy collects beard hair.
I think there’s something wrong with this man’s nose.
Can’t stand losing Fluffy? Freeze dry him!
PETA(B) – People for the Ethical Treatment of Alec Baldwin.

Am I heartless because I don’t want to read any more “Inspiring Tales of Americans Triumphing in the Face of Woe” stories? I mean, everyone has a story. You could make tragic copy out of any unexpected death. To me, the whole September 11th thing loses cohesion when I look at individuals. I lose sight of the forest for the trees. I think I’m better off viewing it as an attack on America, rather than an attack on Americans, if you dig.

In my case, I’m up reeeeeeally damned late. Bad craziness. First I lost track of time while piecing a quilt. 3 am came and went, and I decided I’d better go to bed. I snuck past the 2 y.o.’s door, and she promptly sproinged up in bed like a deranged jack in the box, so I had to run in there and tell her to go to sleep and tuck her in. She’s been nervous around me since she saw the incision and bruising. She doesn’t want me to get close to her. Perhaps she thinks it’s catching.

I paged down to hub and apprised him of the situation, so he snuck up with the 1 y.o., who was (surprise surprise) wide freaking awake. I try to nurse her down; she wants to do gymnastics. I go to rock her to sleep; she’s doing the Cabbage Patch. I decide to spirit her downstairs (stealthily closing the 2 y.o.’s door on the way down, yay) where she can be loud and play herself to sleep, I hope, I hope, I hope. And soon, please. Right now she’s poking me with the booger sucker. This does not bode well for going to sleep while it’s still dark outside.

I started a quilting class today with my friend AM. It was quickly decided that I should ride the short bus to quilt school, since if there was anything at all I could have done wrong, I did it. Although everyone was teasing me for taking a beginning quiltmaking class after having made 2 quilts, I really have learned stuff that you can’t get out of books. I got so inspired that I made 45 half-square triangles when I got home. This sounds like a lot until I mention that I need 288 for a king sized quilt.

I’m in a fairly annoying amount of pain from my breastal area, which seems to have sprung a leak. I’m supposed to call my surgeon first thing this morning. Hm, I may actually still be up in 2 hours. Oh lord I hope not.

You know, tonight I watched the National Geographic show about the search for the Afghan girl whose face was such an icon when it appeared on the cover of a magazine in the mid 80s. They found her again, living near Tora Bora, and she came into Pashewar to be photographed again (only with the permission of the town elders and her husband could she show her face). I realized that she and I are the same age. Her biggest concern today was whether she’d be able to find clean water and food for her children. My day’s agenda includes fixing the ice dispenser on the refrigerator and straightening up the house a little before the cleaner comes.

It’s a small world. It’s a huge world. And even though I’ve gotten no sleep, I count more blessings than I can name.

Here’s one I wrote when I was 11 –

Nobody Can

Deep in a strange land,
Hidden by mist,
The Land of Nobody Can,
And Nobody Will,
I witness a man thinking
As Nobody Can,
And Nobody Will.
Thinking about
Thinking about
How Nobody Can
And Nobody Will,
And there I stand, glued
To the spot,
As Nobody Can,
And Nobody Will.

Last night I had a dream that M.S. and I lived together and we needed to move out by midnight, and she was trying to make me move all my stuff and her stuff too, and then I had to clean. I also had a dream that hub told me he wasn’t in love with me anymore. This morning I told him about the dreams and he urged me to seek therapy.

I had another dream about M.S. the other night that I forgot to tell her – she and her kids were coming to visit and I was getting the guest house ready for them but it was full of wasps, and as soon as I got rid of one, another one would show up.

Speaking of M.S., she sent me a get well present from my wishlist – the complete Schoolhouse Rock on DVD. What a sweetie. The 2 y.o. and I are loving it!

Just because I put a sock on the phone doesn’t mean I’m going crazy. Sure, I don’t know why I did it, or even remember doing it, but it was probably to see if it would charge better. I think.

And no, I don’t know why I got all of the coke 12 packs out of the pantry and stacked them on the counter either. Why all these damned questions?

Benign.

Oddly my boob is making sloshing noises when it moves. Similar to the noises your stomach makes when you drink a lot of water and then jump around. Interesting, to say the least.

I really really miss the kids. I’m so scared that the baby’s going to wean because we’ve been apart for so long. I can’t wait to see them tomorrow.

Reno mad. RENO SMASH!
In a bizarre coincidence, last night’s New York lottery numbers were 9-1-1.
For you Quake 3 players who used to play Atari 2600’s Adventure: a map.

I’ve been bonding well with my dog lately. Even though he’s eaten 3 loaves of my bread (he seems to prefer wheat as opposed to hub’s white bread), a package of graham crackers, and a Hershey bar, all in the past month. I miss him when he’s outside. He comes and lies under my chair when I’m in the office – no small feat, considering he’s an 80 pound Lab. I used to dislike dogs, but my aunt’s yellow Lab taught me to like them. When we first got Cuervo, he was so hyper and clumsy and generally un-catlike that I thought that he’d just be a good companion for hub and kids and that I’d just tolerate him. Now I think I get along better with him than anyone else in the house. And he’s fantastic with the kids. They crawl all over him, use him as furniture, yank on his ears, and the baby even occasionally steps on his dingding, but he’s never snapped or growled at them. The most he’s done (during the dingding incident) was moan.

Here he is with my older daughter a couple of years ago.