Fresh, Hot Wastes of Time

I made the appointment. I’m having surgery on September 10 to take out the calcification or whatever it is. Technically it’s called an excision biopsy, which means that the surgeon is going to remove the whole thing and a little bit of surrounding tissue in an outpatient procedure (although I will be in an operating room in the hospital). They’re going to knock me mostly out with what he called a souped up twilight sleep, meaning that I might be a little responsive but I won’t remember anything.

Now that’s a little gruesome, isn’t it? I might be awake while they slice into my body. Even if I won’t remember it, I have to wonder if it will affect me in some subconscious way. I’ve read horror stories about people who wake up in the middle of surgery.

Biopsy is a very scary word. I’m pretty terrified, but it will be nice once it’s over with.

Fetus Found in 6-Month-Old Boy
Roadkill art
Florida fisherman reels in a human head, keeps on fishing.
Binary messages in crop circles.

You have seen this, right? It’s a beautiful cake to serve at your next office party.
There’s something scary about this guy who has a double chin and sings.
Butt art.
Need a special gift for your child’s next birthday? Don’t buy a Beanie Baby – buy a Weenie Baby!

Hummus gives you gas. I’m just saying is all.

Check out this trailer for Comedian. It’s got the movie voiceover guy in it.
The little red monkey.
Would anyone be interested in playing the exquisite corpse game with me? I think it could easily be done on the computer.

There was a boy (in San Antonio) named Charles whom I had an off-again, on-again crush on from second grade through middle school. I had it so bad at one point that when I answered a question in class and the teacher misunderstood me, and Charles clarified what I said referring to me as “she”, I obsessed about it for weeks. Good lord, I thought, he realizes I’m female. We are obviously destined for each other.

We took the same computer science class in sixth grade. I was one of maybe 2 or 3 girls in the class, and a little dumbstruck to be around all those boys. One day we had a homework assignment that required a calculator. Charles told the teacher that he didn’t have one. I had an extra one at home, so fighting off terminal shyness I told him to borrow mine – a credit card sized brass calculator that came in its own little brass carrying case. I think it might have even done square roots. Fancy.

Knowing that one of my belongings had gone home with him, had probably spent the night in his room, almost made me swoon. The next day just before class started he came over to me and gave me back my calculator. I was so disappointed – we had no tie, now; there was no material thing to behold him to me. As he handed me the calculator, he leaned over and whispered in my ear, his warm boy-breath making goosebumps crawl down my arms and back.

“Ghadsufbish.”

“What?”

“Smurdmofrig.”

“Oh, ok.”

To this day I have no idea what he said. It has been 22 years now, and not a month goes by that I don’t wonder. Did he ask me to a dance? Tell me that the calculator broke? Ask to copy my homework? Tell me I was beautiful? Say thanks?

My only hope is that he will do a vanity search on his name one day and see this post and answer me. He’ll know who I am – I’m the one whom Mrs. Wilson threatened to tie together with him and dangle out the window in second grade.

About that breastfeeding thing. Go ahread and skip this post if the issue of lactation bores you.

I had originally posted the link as a study on what was wrong with law enforcement, not the mother. Although I do know women who still occasionally breastfeed their kids at older ages (7 years old, in one case), it’s probably not what I would choose to do myself. However, I would like to point out this article by Kathy Dettwyler, an anthropoligist at Texas A&M, which looks at studies done on other mammalian species in regards to natural weaning. If (most of) the world weren’t so hung up on boobs as sexual objects, and if mothers breastfed rather than bottlefed, it looks like the average age for weaning would be 4 years or more. My almost-3-year-old still needs a pacifier to sleep. If she didn’t have an ingrained need to suck (not to be crass), she wouldn’t need one. It’s the same need that makes kids suck their thumbs, a sight that’s common in first graders and beyond.

I understand that breastfeeding, and most especially extended breastfeeding, is flame fodder. I’m a card-carrying member of La Leche League and strongly believe in breastfeeding for both physical and emotional benefits to both baby and mother. I also realize that the only evolutionary reason that women have breasts is to feed children. Over the centuries, breasts have become sexualized to the degree that even admitting that you breastfeed past 6 weeks is looked down upon by some. I find the whole issue depressing, as it’s yet another example of arrogant Man imposing his own moral system on something that is perfectly innocent and beneficial. Breastfed kids have been shown to have higher IQs than their formula fed counterparts (if I had been breastfed, you wouldn’t be able to stand me, I’d be so damned smart), and it’s been calculated that for every year a woman breast-feeds, it cuts her risk of breast cancer by 4.3%. That’s absolutely amazing, isn’t it?

Why do people like this get charged with felonies? Sure, she was stupid, but if we make stupidity a felony there won’t be enough room in the U.S. for the jails we’d need.

And why in the hell is it the gummint’s business how long you nurse your kid? Note the cute double entendre headline. I guess it’s ok for the new head of DCF in Florida to advocate spanking hard enough to raise welts, but the woman in Illinois who breastfeeds her 8 year old 3 times a month is endangering him to the point that he needs to be in foster care.

The government needs to stay out of our homes. They have no right telling me how to raise my kids, that I need to drug my kids, how I have to feed (or not feed) my kids, what I can and can’t teach my kids, what color my kids’ hair is, and how I am allowed to make babies. Next stop: everything but the missionary position is outlawed.

What Karyn from SaveKaryn.com looks like. This is the face of the beggar of the 00’s.
I’m sorry, but eating a chocolate Jesus is just too disconcerting.
Interestingly, 3 of the Fort Bragg soldiers who killed their wives this summer were taking the same anti-malarial drug.
More proof that Donahue’s an assshole.
Are you a diamond in the rough? These people seem to think so.