Fresh, Hot Wastes of Time

• It's amazing how well a chimney can conduct music. Conduct. Music. #
• Louis Vs. Rick – the story of a man who taught his cat to use instant messaging: http://t.co/I4sEqaLP #
• Have poured hot soup down my leg and hot coffee down my front so far today. For my next trick, I'm stymied. #
• Sort of like Santa Claus, only not at all: http://t.co/PIdGcVvp #
• I'm a banana. #
• That particular yowl that can only predate a cat barfing. That's what I hear. #

• Man puts 5 puppies to sleep in his very own home! http://t.co/3z5XjrJ9 #
• Dear @EA: "If you have opted out of marketing communications this will be the only email you receive"? You're doing it WRONG! I opted OUT! #
• Check out the cool experience that Fourth Wall just released – HOME, a Ghost Story: http://t.co/FM0OjhI7 #
• Awesome puzzle box a man constructed for his girlfriend – http://t.co/Ra5n9hbe #
• I have spent the last several days contemplating modern plumbing. I have decided I like it. #
• A Glitch intervention: http://t.co/oNe9SPgV #
• If I apply for @SXSW press credentials again, remind me to use a throwaway email address because I am SO tired of the press releases. #
• I don't understand why that's on her chin. http://t.co/o2cwAy2T #
• What in the what? #rangers #
• Zombie poodle: http://t.co/QMvibVI8 #

• Holy guacamole, I am closing my work applications and turning on Walking Dead! #
• And again I ask: Do zombies poop? #
• Heehee the conference call hold music is the Snoopy song. *dancedance* #
• After nearly wearing out my backspace key I have to remind myself: some people can't be reasoned with. #
• I do not understand the Home Depot sphinx guarding the golden candy bars. http://t.co/JHy7XKqj #
• Have you ever seen a finger fing? #
• The Assumption Song – http://t.co/qAZEwpjP (P.S. Are you a Turtle?) #
• I bench pressed 1350 lbs today! Well, not all at once. #
• Ugh, I can't tell if I'm still sick or I'm sick again. #
• Dead in the walls, a festering rodent. Fa la la la la, la la, oh crap. #
• Streakers at the high school football game. My children were scandalized. #
• Wait. We had an earthquake? What what? #

• Hey jerkface from the highway: I was in the slow lane and I still walked into the gym first. Nanny nanny boo boo. #
• "Cooties ARE real. They're a different germ that men have." #10yearoldwisdom #
• Had such a nice dinner with @jchutchins ! #
• Back to square one, because I'm an idiot. #
• I can see your dirtypillows. #
• Nothing like a possum in the attic at bedtime to make life more interesting. #
• If I can make it through dinner with five little girls, I will be that much stronger. #
• Just took a flying crayon to the forearm. Scar of honor, man. #
• I now know the names of all the kids in fourth grade who have ever passed gas in class. #

• I think I had an idea. #
• Saw a sign on the side of the road today: "NOT PREGNANT?? I can help!!" with a phone number to text. #
• Quick, before reading time tonight – what do Mrs Who and Mrs Which sound like? Mrs Whatsit has a voice like a creaky gate, I got that down. #
• Hey #BreakingBad could you be a little more tense, please?? #
• Does anyone use Scrivener? Is it worth it to switch from Word/Pages? #
• I wonder how long the City of Austin Utilities website is going to be "temporarily unavailable." Do they want to get paid or what? #
• What is this Glitch thing all the kids are talking about? #
• If you watched Jeopardy tonight, you watched my bestest buddy! #
• I have no idea what made the noise, but it sounded like a giant vomited behind the house. #
• The dog cheese with nails in it happened in Argentina, people. Quit freaking out. http://t.co/zqnRDmwM #
• The children have gone feral. #
• My 30+ year old Cuisinart that I inherited from my grandmother finally gave up the ghost tonight. #

• The spamcatcher email I created for a viral campaign in 2004 has finally become completely unusable. #
• Khaaaaaaaaan! #
• Is there -is there balm in Gilead? – tell me – tell me, I implore! #
• In it makes my headsp. #
• Holy thunder, Batman! #
• There are strange things done in the midnight sun by the men who moil for gold. #
• Progress report: 8 months, 30 pounds. Slow but steady! #
• I'M ON A BOAT #
• Transmedia Talk 33: ARGFest Special with @jchutchins http://t.co/bxGFHVeV #argfest #transmedia #
• OH YEAH! Teaser trailer for John Dies at the End – the movie!! http://t.co/AajFqrLn #
• Peel a head of garlic in 10 seconds: http://t.co/GyWuxsZv #
• You little twerp, you keep using my Gmail account, I'm going to reset your logins on the sites you sign up for. #
• There's a mangy squirrel in our front yard with no fur on his tail. Squirrels are rats. Rats in trees. #
• Oh dear, Mickey and Minnie – I thought you were supposed to be child-friendly! http://t.co/eksdOe7i #
• 90 days of 100 degree weather. That's one quarter of the year to you and me. #
• If you just got a DM from me about Night Circus, I'm really sorry. It was done behind my back. How unfortunate. #
• This is not a good example of how to run a conference. #
• Austin Teen Book Festival: No maps, no schedule, no bathrooms? Ouch. #
• By knowing the teachings of Zerthimon, I have become stronger. #
• Have people actually read the Occupy Wall Street manifesto? Animal testing, "held hostage" by college debt – it's all over the map. Point? #

• How did I just now discover Puzzle Pirates? #
• Is the number of fortune cookies in the take-out bag a judgment on how much food you order? "You got enough to feed 6 people!" #
• Tornado model final result: http://t.co/m93fJ3pS #
• Now is the time to squee: SQUEEEEEEEE! #
• Pro tip: telling your trainer "There's not enough weight on the machine – bump it up!" is a good way to cause yourself pain. #
• Oh, goody. The chainsaws are back next door. This is day three of the chainsaw infestation. #
• It's not the chainsaws so much as the industrial wood chipper, which sounds like a monstrous Nyan cat. #
• Need a good sniffle? Operation Smile vid of a Brazilian girl who sees her cleft lip repair for the 1st time: http://t.co/hqMRx39j #
• Don't stop me now! I'm having such a good time… I'm having a ball! #
• Tonight's hit poem: Gunga Din #
• Check out this guy auditioning to be in the Queen cover band: http://t.co/9u6a7S6H #
• Homemade AT-AT pancakes? Yes, please! http://t.co/BoXxENnz #
• The coolest elevator in New York: http://t.co/WDNaQOF1 #
• The zone, I was IN it. #
• Mi nombre es Eddie Vedder: http://t.co/0ZtfWdCe #
• Using brain imaging to see your dreams, memories, thoughts: http://t.co/UJOY3Jfp #
• The meter reader just FREAKED ME OUT. #
• Who knew that making caramel from condensed milk could be so dangerous? http://t.co/GtLNcwgd #
• That was not my kitchen BTW! @lectio in reply to lectio #
• Don't do it, @simone_says! You have a long life ahead of you! cc /@mikemonello #
• TrueTwit is appropriately named. What a pain. #
• Hey man, is that Freedom Rock? #

Clearly I need to spend more time in the Heartland.

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