Blargh
July 17, 2003 - 2:53 am
It’s official. I spent more time trying to get the baby to sleep (2.75 hours) than I did at the meetup (2.25 hours). Something has got to change. Has anyone ever dealt with a kid who has to be rocked to sleep? How do you get them to fall asleep in their own bed? I desperately need help with this. This is not a happy place or time for me.
July 17th, 2003 at 6:32 am
our time trying to get s. to sleep in her own bed was so horrific (nearly four years) that i think i blocked most of it out. is she a light sleeper, so that she wakes when you move her? if not, try letting her fall asleep on the sofa while watching tv, then gradually move up to turning off the tv and leaving her on the sofa. if you can’t then move her to her own bed, let her sleep on the sofa until she gets more comfortable with the idea.
if she’s a light sleeper, try going to her bed instead of rocking her. stay with her and pretend you are going to sleep there until she falls asleep. then master the ninja art of leaving her bed once she is snoring. this worked with e. and she has been going to bed without a fight 60% of the time for the last six months or so.
also, have you ever considered letting the girls sleep in the same bed? this works wonders for s. and e. – they don’t like to go to sleep without each other, but together they at least both get in bed, which eventually results in sleep after a little ignorable chatter.
i used to rock r. to sleep when he was a baby, and i finally got to the point of just putting him in there and letting him cry it out. i know, i know, but in his case it actually worked after about three nights.
July 17th, 2003 at 6:46 am
this article has a lot of stuff in it that worked for me (the laying on of hands is something i used with all of them). maybe it will give you some ideas?
hope so, you poor thing.
July 17th, 2003 at 9:12 am
tough love, intestinal fortitude, bribery; just like anything difficult that a child doesn’t like to do, sometimes, you have to just let them cry until they do the action that you wish them to do. For two days it will very tough. However by the third day all will be normal again (usually).
perhaps a discussion regarding the desire to be a big girl upon agreement with that, then informing the child that this is what big girls do.
Our daughter (8) wanted help with bath, help with pajamas, always wanted to be rocked, cuddled, light left on etc… . Discussed that at 8 years old, did she want to go to sleepover camp?
She indicated yes, well in order to go to sleepover camp, she has to be able to give herself a bath, put on her own pajamas and put herself to sleep etc… . She now insists on doing these things herself.
Easier to do with an 8 year old.
However surely there is something available for your daughter at her age to entice her to comply to your wishes.
July 17th, 2003 at 11:20 am
Yay for the Dr. Sears link….sometimes it takes a little work, but it’s better than making your baby feel like you WONT come when youre needed, right? Another trick…..letting the babe sleep with a t shirt of yours that hasn’t been washed…something that maybe you’ve slept in a time or two. Sometimes just *thinking* that mama is near helps.
July 17th, 2003 at 12:47 pm
you stop. you say, “this is what I’m going to do from now on.” you say, “I’m sorry you’re sad, but you need to learn to go to sleep on your own.” and you be totally consistent, and totally a hard ass.
and it sucks. for, like, two nights. or sometimes 3. or sometimes a week. but then — miracle! — the baby goes to sleep.
we learned this the hard way, after going through eternal bedtime rituals with our first kid involving walking around the house, singing, patting, rocking. I’m on baby #3 now and it’s a whole different story. i’ve been putting him down in his crib at night and giving him a little pat since he was 4 months old or so. sometimes he whimpers a little, but mostly he just drifts off.
and, personally, the whole dr. sears go-in-there-every-15-minutes-to-reassure-the-kid thing just made it all worse for my kid, who would scream even louder when we came and went. better, in his case, to just leave and let that be it. but, ymmv.
the important thing I think is just that you need to remember 1) it’s your life 2) this is a skill your kid really needs to learn 3) believe it or not, no matter how much they scream and cry, in the morning they will be FINE. there will be no long term ptsd from this, your child will not end up in therapy. at least not for this. 😉
good luck.
July 17th, 2003 at 4:07 pm
Thanks, y’all. She’s still in a crib, so I can’t lie down with her (I think that would probably work, but seems like another trap to have to escape later) so we’ll probably try crying it out. We just have to overcome the two major obstacles – she can climb out of her crib, upon which she falls to the floor; and she has the remarkable ability to stay awake even though she’s just exhausted if she’s not happy. That’s pretty much what happened last night. After falling asleep in my lap and waking up and crying when I put her in bed, I told her she could either fall asleep in bed with her wubbo and dotie and kitty (don’t ask) or she could be in my lap without anything. She tried the bed for around an hour but couldn’t sleep, so we did the lap and she conked right out. Now that I’ve gotten sleep I feel better and more recharged, so hopefully up to the battle of wills tonight.
I appreciate all the comments and suggestions!
July 23rd, 2003 at 5:59 pm
lol, I was going to suggest the heavy brainwashing with “transitional objects” but I surmise from the words “wubbo” and “dotie” that you all have that one covered….