Fresh, Hot Wastes of Time

I just posted a question in someone else’s blog about wondering if she felt better after having sicked it up and it got me to thinking. It is really hard for me to barf. I almost typoed “bark”, which would be wrong, because I can bark very easily.

Barfing is another matter. I hate to do it. I don’t care how much better I will feel afterwards, the nastiness of barfing isn’t worth it. There was a time when I drank quite a lot, as in 75% of a bottle of Southern Comfort. First of all, I will never drink it again. Second, I knew that things were going to be very bad for me unless I puked some of it up. And I tried. I tried mightily, yanking on my uvula for all it was worth, sticking my whole damn hand down my throat to no avail. Minor gagging, no upchuck. I stayed in bed the next day until 8 at night, except for occasional forays to yark. Oh yes, my friends, I did the technicolor yawn all the next damn day, compounding the hangover from that awful sickly sweet cough syrup of an alcoholic beverage.

My friend, an Englishman, was not only impressed that I had so much to drink that night but that I couldn’t bring it back up. I guess that’s something – impressing a Brit with one’s drinking ability.

So I guess I’ve got that going for me.

Latest weird searches that brought people to this site:

“girls underwear” sears
yatta video anger sanka
mistress trillian

Nothing quite as titillating as M.S.’s ‘gay men in girdles’ search, I’m afraid.

Bug bite update: very itchy, getting hot and hard in the middle. Settle down, Beavis.

I’m so relieved. I didn’t think that the 2.5 year old would ever be potty trained. I thought that not only would I have to explain to her husband about the pacifier habit (no chance of losing that anytime soon), I’d have to fill him in on what size adult diapers she wore. But it’s like someone flipped a switch and all of a sudden she wants to sit on the potty. I’m sure you’re all thrilled to read about my child’s bathroom habits.

Bug bite update: still growing, still itchy, becoming worrisome.

I have the strangest earworm right now. My mind is playing Jimmy Buffett’s “Margaritaville” and adding tuba to it. Of course only having one voice, I can only hum the tuba part which amuses the 8 month old to no end. My mystery bite is getting bigger and itchier. I thought that bug bites were supposed to get better over time, not worse.

If the food in the butter case at the store starts talking to my husband, he’s likely to shoot it.
R.I.P. “Carolyn Keene”
I’m sure you’ve all seen the Stinky Meat Project by now, right?

The ball blown off far with the aim of green, and woman body tea
The most popular woman in the nursing home
Yet another non-sequitur random weird webpage
And another one
And still one more, this one text rather than flash.
Someone could make a fortune selling these people tinfoil hats.
This woman paints with her boobs. Really.

Is belonging to 5 web rings piggish?

I think I figured out what happened to me last night.

See, I was upstairs in the kitchen doing stuff, and felt like something was crawling on my arm, but I didn’t see anything so I figured it was just a stray hair. I went about my business, but a few minutes later I got this searing sudden horrible pain on the same arm and I madly paw at it but see nothing fly off. Now I’m seriously freaked out, because we had a wasp problem a month or so ago and I’m very allergic to them, and this thing felt like a wasp sting. My arm swelled up and got red and I chugged a couple of Benadryl, after which everything seemed fine and I forgot about it until just now.

But the thing is, we’ve seen 2 centipedes in the house today. It rained last night and they probably got flooded into the house. So now I think I was stung by a centipede. Nasty.

I just signed up for this thingie called BlogSnob which sounds pretty neat, in principle. It puts a little text link over there, random on each load of the page, and sometimes my blog will be randomly linked on someone else’s page. Mutual backscratching kind of thing. Now I’m scratching my head as to how to put a checkbox on here that will allow you to choose if you want links to open in a new page or not.

I’m having entirely too much fun screwing around with web page toys. This place is going to look like Hamster Dance by the time I’m done.

The latest in a disturbing trend… School officials inspect yet more teenage girls’ underwear.

Excuse me? Nobody needs to gawk at my teenager’s bra. Between the panty inspection episode, this bra thing, random blood and/or urine tests, Ritalin being forced on kids or they get kicked out of school, and “feel good” grading where you get credit even if you answer wrong because damn it, you tried, I’m wondering if we’re going to end up homeschooling. Schools are snakepits as it is, and all this crap lately is exacerbating the situation. We spent a lot of money on this house because it’s in the “right” school district. I just hope it lives up to its reputation.

School officials do not have the right to arbitrarily 1) look at your intimates; 2) diagnose your kids with ADD; 3) randomly search your locker or bags; 4) require arbitrary drug testing; 5) ask you if you have guns at home; or 6) force you to pray (or not to pray, as the case may be). All of these things happen anyway. It’s a travesty, because kids don’t know any better, and they’re taught to trust grownups. Kids may not question Teacher digging through their backpacks.

On the flip side, I can see where school officials might get the misguided notion that they have to raise kids. (Some) parents aren’t taking responsibility for the actions of their children. They don’t get involved and ask questions and nose into things. Don’t be a friend to your kids. Be a parent.