Fresh, Hot Wastes of Time

30 second movie review:

It was like when you’re trying to sneeze, and for 2 minutes your nose tickles and you go ahhh… ahhhh… ahhhhhh… AHHHHHHHHHHHH and then the urge just goes away.

First of all, if you’ve emailed me or called me or anything in the last week, I’ve probably ignored it. Jo’s had a 102+ fever for almost a week now, and it’s not a happy time.

Second, the most horrifying thing happened to me last night. It’s been shorts weather here since early December. The ramifications are such as this:

Hub brought in the mail. I plopped it down on top on my laptop (which is in my lap) and proceed to sort through it. I get to the last circular, move it aside, and there is a half-crushed and wiggling adolescent frigging cockroach stuck to the wrist-rug on my laptop (which is in my laaaaaaap!).

The horror. The horror.

Conversation with my husband:

Him: You know what they say… if it flies, floats, or f—s, it’s cheaper to rent it.
Me: And just what exactly are you trying to say about me?
Him: Oh don’t worry, Honey. You’re cheap.
Me: …

*whack*

First of all I can’t imagine what the families in West Virginia are going through right now. It must have been a horrible night.

I did find it really strange that the mine president is a West Virginia Hatfield and the lone mine survivor’s name is Randal McCloy. The patriarch of the McCoy clan was named Randel McCoy.

Preface: my mother died in 1987.

I was being held captive in a school bus by an old religious freak. I wasn’t supposed to use my computer, but decided to do it anyway. My phone was almost out of batteries, and my husband (who was 12 years old and not my husband in my dream) was keeping the charger in his backpack. I went to his seat on the bus to get his charger and noticed my captor standing there with his idol, some other religious freak. I then told him off, ending with, “You are just a sad and ugly little copy of who you want to be” (meaning the other guy). I heard them talking about how to punish me as I left, but I knew that all the things I’d said to him had struck him so deeply he wouldn’t do anything.

I didn’t know who to email, now that I had my computer. Finally I settled on my mom since I hadn’t talked to her in a while. I had no idea where to even find her email address. I looked in the phone book and she just happened to be listed there in a listing of Compuserve users. Her address was melangerie101@cs.compuserve.com. I mailed her, and tried to message her, but got no response. I found her street address and went over there to try to find her but it looked like she’d just left. The radio was still on and dishes were out. I left a home-made Christmas decoration (a lamp with “MOM” carved into the post) and went away.

Here’s a short book that some of you (namely family members) might find interesting.

Caroline woke up earlier, as she is wont to do every night. She comes to sleep on the crib mattress we have on the floor of our bedroom for just such a reason. She’s often disoriented when she wakes up. Tonight she was trying to tell me something, but I thought that she couldn’t possibly be saying, “I want you to stand under the button.” I kept trying to get her to repeat it, and she was getting more and more frustrated with me. True enough, she wanted me to stand under the button. Of some dress on the floor.

She takes after her daddy, the king of waking non-sequiturs.

– October 12: I place an order for the kids’ Halloween costumes. The webpage says that delivery is guaranteed by October 30.

– October 16: I receive a shipping notification.

– October 28: Nervous about getting nothing, I call Lillian Vernon. They told me there was nothing they could do because they don’t do expedite shipping, so they won’t ship me a replacement.

– October 29: I send an email:

I have still not received my order, which was placed on October 12. My children do not have Halloween costumes. Not only are they quite disappointed not to have the costumes they spent time picking out, but this puts a big burden on me to find something for them to wear. I am very upset about the situation. Your web page said that delivery was guaranteed by October 30.

When I called customer service on October 28, I was informed that I was out of luck and that there would be no re-shipment since Lillian Vernon does not do overnight shipping. This is completely unacceptable. I will not be ordering from you again.

You can’t market items to children and refuse to follow-up when shipping goes awry.

Sincerely,

That night I get a response:

Thank you for your e-mail. Please accept our apologies for the inconvenience experienced with your order. Your order has been shipped on October 12, 2005 via US Postal Service and is still in transit. You should receive your merchandise in time for Halloween.

Customer service is our number one priority. If we can be of further assistance, please contact our Customer Service Representatives at 1-800-901-9291, or custserv@lillianvernon.com, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Or visit our website at www.lillianvernon.com.

Thank you for shopping with Lillian Vernon Online.

Lillian Vernon Online Customer Service

And my response:

Thank you for your response. I am unsure why you feel this is an acceptable solution. Delivery was guaranteed by October 30, which is tomorrow, a Sunday. That is obviously not going to happen. Do you honestly think I’m going to sit there and just hope it gets to me sometime on Halloween? And if it doesn’t, I’m going to just whip together in an hour some sort of costumes for my kids to wear?

The right thing to do would have been to acknowledge on Friday that there was a problem with shipping, and to offer to send a replacement overnight. That opportunity has passed, and overnight shipping was absolutely refused.

In the past I have been very pleased with Lillian Vernon’s customer service, but you guys really dropped the ball here.

– October 31: I call to say that my order still hadn’t arrived. They said there was a problem with all orders sent to Texas, but I should get it that week. I was underwhelmed, since we’re talking about Halloween costumes. I dress the children in last year’s stuff, much to their disappointment.

– November 7: I send more mail:

Over a week past when my order was guaranteed to arrive, it’s clear to me that you do not intend to send it. I do not want the items anymore. I want a refund. Please inform me when my refund will be processed.

– November 9: Still no contact. I call the 800 number again. The representative said that a refund was processed on November 7. It’s not showing up on my online statement. She also said that the order was never shipped.

Ask me if I’ll be buying from Lillian Vernon again. It astounds me that they would lie to me multiple times about the shipping status.

EDIT: There is an update to this issue here.

Are you looking for tree service? Considering using Good Mourning Tree Company at 512-420-0733, run by Sid Mourning at 512-657-4349? Are you a glutton for punishment who relishes verbal abuse and inviting cons onto your property? Why then, I’d say you have made the right choice.

Good Mourning Tree Company keeps leaving crap on my front door. This is illegal in the city of Westlake Hills (we’re on the no-solicit list kept by the city). Sid Mourning does not care about legality. He does not care about my requests for him to quit doing it. In fact, he launched into a tirade about my personal life when I told him to stop putting his spam on my door. The best part is that the man is a felon and apparently an addict. That’s just the kind of person I want working around my kids, by golly.

Letters to City Hall:

Greetings,

I have repeatedly tried to get the city to do something about Good Mourning Tree Company leaving advertising on my door to no avail. There was another flyer on my door this morning. Action needs to be taken ASAP. The company shows a complete disregard for city ordinances. Why on earth does he still have a permit? Please get this felon off my property!

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(originally sent September 22, 2005)
Hi there –

I originally sent you the below email on March 1, 2005. Today I noticed yet another flyer from Good Morning Tree Company on my front door. Can you please contact me to let me know what I need to do to keep this man off my property?

Thanks,

——————————————————————————–

(Originally sent March 1, 2005)
This company has left flyers on our doors several times over the past few years, and each time I have left them a message asking them not to do it anymore. Today I was lucky enough to speak with Sid Mourning at 512-657-4349. On the phone he was rude and unconcerned with my requests. He told me I must be very bored to worry about something like this. Last year while we were on vacation, we came home to find their flyers on our front door and on the garage, announcing to anyone who came by that we were out of town. I told him this, and he said, “Nobody is going to rob your house”. I thanked him for his reassurance and hung up, but I’m a little confused as to how he knows this.

We are listed on the No Soliciting list for the city.

I’m concerned about this man coming onto my property. He’s gotten multiple criminal convictions over the years, and is a felon.

Feb 11 2002 – Driving While License Suspended Enh — 6687b-(34)(a) VCS – CONVICTED – 2 days in jail
May 29 1986 – Cocaine-Possess — NA – CONVICTED – 12 months probation
Sep 28 1977 – Driving Under Influence Liquor  – CONVICTED – 1 year probation
Feb 20 1983 – Driving Under Influence Liquor – CONVICTED – 2 years probation
Oct 18 1973 – Marijuana – CONVICTED – 1 year probation
Mar 28 2003 – Poss Cs Pg 1 >=1g<4g — 481.115(c) HSC (Opioids, felony) – CONVICTED – 6 years probation

As you’re probably aware from speaking with him on the phone, he doesn’t appear to be the most stable person in the world. I would be quite relieved if the City of Westlake Hills rescinds his solicitation permit and refuses him again in the future.

Sincerely,