Fresh, Hot Wastes of Time

So maybe I will be a writer. It’s a possibility. I have some passable stuff in my portfolio now. My thoughts turn to this: I should hone my words and practice writing some of the detailed and lovely description which, to me, makes writing so good. I’m re-reading the Kinsey Milhone books and realizing that Sue Grafton paints pictures with words, in her terse, film noir style. I admire that. So I get a few phrases which percolate up from my subconscious and I am afraid to set them down on paper. Maybe I’ve plagiarized the idea from somewhere. Nah, probably not. More likely for my fear: Maybe I’ll plagiarize from myself somewhere down the road. If I start to write, how soon before I run out? Am I a replenish-able resource? Will new words fill the empty space inside the lake of Me when the old ones trickle out? Or is it stagnant, dead water, smelling funky, moss growing on my interior dictionaries and thesauruses, their pages bloating up in the muck and becoming unreadable?

I think what I need to do is more practice writing. Mental exercises. Get used to the craft again. Understand that there are infinity words out there with as many ways to string them together. Come to terms with the fact that all stories have already been told, but we keep reading them anyway because some authors make them fun. I want to be the fun author, and therefore I will practice. If I were talking about a piano, I’d be doing scales: do re mi fa sol la ti do. What’s the typewriter equivalent? The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog? All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy?

Yeah I might be jumping the gun, but I do have things in my future that I am both sure and unsure about, and this skill set would be helpful with all of them. Might not get me far if the world blows up and we need survival skills, but I guess for that I can shoot guns and raise children. And make up stories to tell people around the campfire.

Beware, I’m letting my imagination off its leash. Send out an APB for a growling mass which is bitter for having been caged up since 1987. It should be considered armed with well-honed wit and extremely dangerous. If you approach it, give it chocolate and it will be your friend.

(ETA: It’s only after the second dose of Chardonnay that I tell you I never wrote anything “real” from the day my mother died in January 1987. Whether I needed her input or just lost my nerve I will never know, but I have a mental image of her ghost twiddling its fingers and waiting for me to get off my ass and do it. She thought I was a writer. I thought I might have been a writer, but when my direct backup system was knocked so quickly from under me I began to doubt everything. EVERYTHING. As in, ’twas death that taught me God was dead. And 10 years later, ’twas death that taught me God was alive and had his hand out for me. Ok, the wine is getting loquacious, and I should probably go to bed before it embarrasses me further.) (It was beautiful, though.)

Conversation with my husband:

Him: You know what they say… if it flies, floats, or f—s, it’s cheaper to rent it.
Me: And just what exactly are you trying to say about me?
Him: Oh don’t worry, Honey. You’re cheap.
Me: …

*whack*

Battle 1978 Chevy truck vs. 2005 Prius. Guess who won.

– October 12: I place an order for the kids’ Halloween costumes. The webpage says that delivery is guaranteed by October 30.

– October 16: I receive a shipping notification.

– October 28: Nervous about getting nothing, I call Lillian Vernon. They told me there was nothing they could do because they don’t do expedite shipping, so they won’t ship me a replacement.

– October 29: I send an email:

I have still not received my order, which was placed on October 12. My children do not have Halloween costumes. Not only are they quite disappointed not to have the costumes they spent time picking out, but this puts a big burden on me to find something for them to wear. I am very upset about the situation. Your web page said that delivery was guaranteed by October 30.

When I called customer service on October 28, I was informed that I was out of luck and that there would be no re-shipment since Lillian Vernon does not do overnight shipping. This is completely unacceptable. I will not be ordering from you again.

You can’t market items to children and refuse to follow-up when shipping goes awry.

Sincerely,

That night I get a response:

Thank you for your e-mail. Please accept our apologies for the inconvenience experienced with your order. Your order has been shipped on October 12, 2005 via US Postal Service and is still in transit. You should receive your merchandise in time for Halloween.

Customer service is our number one priority. If we can be of further assistance, please contact our Customer Service Representatives at 1-800-901-9291, or custserv@lillianvernon.com, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Or visit our website at www.lillianvernon.com.

Thank you for shopping with Lillian Vernon Online.

Lillian Vernon Online Customer Service

And my response:

Thank you for your response. I am unsure why you feel this is an acceptable solution. Delivery was guaranteed by October 30, which is tomorrow, a Sunday. That is obviously not going to happen. Do you honestly think I’m going to sit there and just hope it gets to me sometime on Halloween? And if it doesn’t, I’m going to just whip together in an hour some sort of costumes for my kids to wear?

The right thing to do would have been to acknowledge on Friday that there was a problem with shipping, and to offer to send a replacement overnight. That opportunity has passed, and overnight shipping was absolutely refused.

In the past I have been very pleased with Lillian Vernon’s customer service, but you guys really dropped the ball here.

– October 31: I call to say that my order still hadn’t arrived. They said there was a problem with all orders sent to Texas, but I should get it that week. I was underwhelmed, since we’re talking about Halloween costumes. I dress the children in last year’s stuff, much to their disappointment.

– November 7: I send more mail:

Over a week past when my order was guaranteed to arrive, it’s clear to me that you do not intend to send it. I do not want the items anymore. I want a refund. Please inform me when my refund will be processed.

– November 9: Still no contact. I call the 800 number again. The representative said that a refund was processed on November 7. It’s not showing up on my online statement. She also said that the order was never shipped.

Ask me if I’ll be buying from Lillian Vernon again. It astounds me that they would lie to me multiple times about the shipping status.

EDIT: There is an update to this issue here.

Are you looking for tree service? Considering using Good Mourning Tree Company at 512-420-0733, run by Sid Mourning at 512-657-4349? Are you a glutton for punishment who relishes verbal abuse and inviting cons onto your property? Why then, I’d say you have made the right choice.

Good Mourning Tree Company keeps leaving crap on my front door. This is illegal in the city of Westlake Hills (we’re on the no-solicit list kept by the city). Sid Mourning does not care about legality. He does not care about my requests for him to quit doing it. In fact, he launched into a tirade about my personal life when I told him to stop putting his spam on my door. The best part is that the man is a felon and apparently an addict. That’s just the kind of person I want working around my kids, by golly.

Letters to City Hall:

Greetings,

I have repeatedly tried to get the city to do something about Good Mourning Tree Company leaving advertising on my door to no avail. There was another flyer on my door this morning. Action needs to be taken ASAP. The company shows a complete disregard for city ordinances. Why on earth does he still have a permit? Please get this felon off my property!

——————————————————————————–

(originally sent September 22, 2005)
Hi there –

I originally sent you the below email on March 1, 2005. Today I noticed yet another flyer from Good Morning Tree Company on my front door. Can you please contact me to let me know what I need to do to keep this man off my property?

Thanks,

——————————————————————————–

(Originally sent March 1, 2005)
This company has left flyers on our doors several times over the past few years, and each time I have left them a message asking them not to do it anymore. Today I was lucky enough to speak with Sid Mourning at 512-657-4349. On the phone he was rude and unconcerned with my requests. He told me I must be very bored to worry about something like this. Last year while we were on vacation, we came home to find their flyers on our front door and on the garage, announcing to anyone who came by that we were out of town. I told him this, and he said, “Nobody is going to rob your house”. I thanked him for his reassurance and hung up, but I’m a little confused as to how he knows this.

We are listed on the No Soliciting list for the city.

I’m concerned about this man coming onto my property. He’s gotten multiple criminal convictions over the years, and is a felon.

Feb 11 2002 – Driving While License Suspended Enh — 6687b-(34)(a) VCS – CONVICTED – 2 days in jail
May 29 1986 – Cocaine-Possess — NA – CONVICTED – 12 months probation
Sep 28 1977 – Driving Under Influence Liquor  – CONVICTED – 1 year probation
Feb 20 1983 – Driving Under Influence Liquor – CONVICTED – 2 years probation
Oct 18 1973 – Marijuana – CONVICTED – 1 year probation
Mar 28 2003 – Poss Cs Pg 1 >=1g<4g — 481.115(c) HSC (Opioids, felony) – CONVICTED – 6 years probation

As you’re probably aware from speaking with him on the phone, he doesn’t appear to be the most stable person in the world. I would be quite relieved if the City of Westlake Hills rescinds his solicitation permit and refuses him again in the future.

Sincerely,

I was going to write something about this, but Kevin at The Smallest Minority has put it so eloquently, I don’t need to.

Pressing the Reset Button? – “No civilians in New Orleans will be allowed to carry pistols, shotguns or other firearms, said P. Edwin Compass III, the superintendent of police. “Only law enforcement are allowed to have weapons,” he said.” (from the New York Times)

Perhaps the New Orleans citizens who stayed behind to protect their property from the looters can be beheaded too.

Chase in Austin Car-jacking Ends With Arrest in Elgin

Austin police are looking into a car-jacking that ended in a chase and arrest in Elgin.

It happened Saturday at Barton Creek Square Mall and escalated to the small town. A woman told detectives she was getting out of her car when she was approached by 22-year-old Chadlee McShan. Within seconds she was “knocked to the ground and her vehicle taken,” says APD Detective Andrew Perkel.

Headed towards Elgin, McShan and Bernardo Contreras were eventually spotted.

When Elgin police tried to stop the car, the men jumped out and ran off. They were found in a nearby yard sometime after the attack and car-jacking.

We’re told the suspects in this case were part of a crime spree, first hitting up family then a woman at the mall.

APD will be charging McShane with robbery by assault.
As for Elgin police, they are pursing their own charges.
Both suspects remain behind bars.

Now here’s the funny part. The news report had pepper spray company representatives demonstrate how pepper spray would be ideal for a situation like this. A bad guy with a piece of pipe came at a good guy who was getting into his car. The good guy raised his keys and sprayed the bad guy with pepper spray. The bad guy swung his pipe at the good guy 5 more times in 7 seconds before finally going down.

Yeah, that’s a big help, thanks. I’ve got my head bashed to a bloody pulp already. And the news aired this story in support of carrying pepper spray as self defense!

No thanks.

As found from WFMU’s Beware of the Blog… Radio broadcasts from the NE Ohio area have been interrupted what what seems like pirate radio broadcasts advertising Radio Free Ohio. Their website used to include diatribes about other local stations, including those owned by Clear Channel.

The kicker? Radio Free Ohio’s IP shows that it is, in fact, a Clear Channel station. Shillitude of the nth degree.