Fresh, Hot Wastes of Time

Last night I went to pee and when I was just about to flush the pottie I noticed that the toilet paper wad that was floating around had two very long and hairy and black evil looking bug legs emerging from around the underneath of it. It was either a big spider or one of those giant black stink bugs.

I am not one to call someone in to inspect what I’ve produced in the pottie, but I shrieked for hub to come see, at which point the legs disappeared and it looked like I was just very proud of making a tinkle.

What I’m most concerned about it where it came from. Hub’s convinced that I have bugs in my crotch. I just don’t think so.

Going back for more surgery next Wednesday to clean this crap up.

People searching for the following things lately have made it to my web page:

nose fart real player
NEW YARK GAY MEN PICTURE
picture old guy breastfeeding monkey

The brother has complained loudly and vocally that the whole world thinks that he never followed through on the Astroworld promise in 1981. Well, he did follow through, that’s true. But I’d like to relate another story.

About 10 years ago I asked him if he and the kids would like to go to Sea World. He said sure, that sounded like fun. We went. He made me pay for me, him, and his two kids. Since I asked if he wanted to go, apparently I was responsible for the bill.

I don’t ask him anywhere, anymore.

(On the plus side, Foreigner was playing at Sea World that night. Nice blast from the past.)

I forgot to mention the whole episode where I was supposed to have dinner with Ronald Reagan but the snooty maitre d’ kept ignoring me so I finally went off on a 15 minute long tirade. And got seated.

Last night I had a dream that my doctor said I have advanced liver cancer and I had to have chemotherapy. I had to have tearful phone conversations with my family telling them what was up, I had to update my will and make sure the kids were going to be taken care of. The hospital gave me a booklet on the hospital chemo services and what to expect. They provided a medical jar looking thing for me to throw up in if I got sick while I had the IV in, but I forgot it so I took in an empty peanut butter jar. Someone else in the chemo room had forgotten his medical jar as well and had brought a childrens’ sand pail, yellow with a red flowery handle.

I was not sick during the treatment but they said I probably would be next time. As I was changing clothes and packing my things to go, the phone rang in the chemo room for me. It was the doctor, who told me that he had misread all my liver enzyme numbers and I didn’t really have cancer after all. He laughed all through the conversation because he thought it was hilarious that he would make such a mistake.

Hub took me back to the hotel room where we were staying, somewhere on the gulf coast, and I watched out of the window as the tide came in. We were staying on the third story and the water was getting up to just a few feet under our balcony because of a hurricane. Then we saw on the news that an aircraft carrier had been hijacked and steered into a nuclear reactor and it had exploded.

Then I took a nap this afternoon to try to fend off the migraine headache that’s been plaguing me since yesterday morning, and I had a dream that my city was under attack by aliens, which were buglike, a cross between Alien and Starship Troopers (the book, not the travesty of a movie) and Ender’s Game. Since I had read the books and seen the movie, I knew that our infestation was just an advance front, that there was a queen alien in the most central, dark place in the complex (it was a huge museum or something) and she was laying eggs. We needed to kill her before dark because the power was out. Nobody would believe me that I knew where she was and I was the only one who knew how to shoot a gun. I wanted to go take her out, but on the way I had to stop at a friend’s house and give subcutaneous fluids to her sick cat. They didn’t have a clean needle so I refused to do it.

I woke up before saving the earth. I hate it when that happens.

Look at this. It’s honest to goodness real. I played around with it in Photoshop yesterday.

Yesterday I also went to the Austin Quilt Show and joined the Austin Area Quilt Guild. I’m honestly not sure what’s involved in being a guild member, but for $12.50 (and free show admission) it’s not that big a gamble. Then I came home and sewed like a maniac to make 16 more blocks. That takes me to a grand total of 76 out of 144 needed – one short of halfway done!

Today I went nuts at the Hancock’s of Paducah website and bought over 20 yards of fabric. Hub is going to have kittens when the package arrives.

I’m turning into a little old lady, grey hair and all. Staying up until dawn with a baby who wants to play, play, play doesn’t help much with that situation.

I love the pimiento cheese sandwiches from Jason’s Deli. As the baby would say, “Yum”.

Anyone ever heard of Ortho K? No, it’s not a breakfast cereal. It’s a process by which you wear hard contact lenses that you wear, usually at night, and you take them out in the morning and you’re able to see all day. Fascinating. I’m way too chicken for Lasik; this Ortho K thing sounds really interesting.